Monday, April 27, 2009
Communication: Edifying Too
It is vital to edify your spouse around other people. Don’t ever talk negatively about your spouse to friends, co-workers, or family. First of all, it’s not fair to them. Second of all, when you express the words, they only reinforce your thoughts and encourage you to believe what you are saying. It also gives the devil a lot more ammunition to shoot back at you.
I Thessalonians 5:1 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”
Women, especially, need to be emotionally nourished with praise, never broken down with criticism. Women love compliments and need to hear positive reinforcement from their husbands. A woman’s sense of well-being depends greatly on what her husband thinks and says about her, and how attractive he makes her feel.
Women are usually more sensitive than men and easily hurt by negative words. A critical word will wound a woman permanently. Most men don’t have that sensitivity and don’t understand why harsh words make such a deep impact on their wives.
My husband explains it by looking at men in the locker room after a football game. They butt heads and smack each other on the rear end. They yell at each other, call each other "fat slobs," and say cruel things to each other. They either laugh about it or duke it out. Then, it's all over and they're best buds again. This kind of behavior does not work on women. Men, if you didn't know that, you've got some fast learning to do if you want to have a successful marriage.
It may seem impossible for you to only speak positive words to your spouse right now. Once you find yourself in a cyclone of hazardous words, it’s difficult to break free. It becomes a habit. You need to break that habit if you don’t want your marriage to break up.
Proverbs - “A gentle word brings peace, a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Think about the words you say - carefully. Our human nature is to react and lash back. You can change that, even when your spouse continues to speak harmful words. If you stop reacting, the harsh words will eventually cease. Ask God to show you how and He will give you the grace to do so.