GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, my thoughts can be my own worst enemy.  They take me places I shouldn’t go.  They hold on to offense and magnify it to consuming hurt.  They mislead my desires to worldly paths that take me nowhere.  They muffle the words that God intends for me to hear. Women usually struggle more with quieting their thoughts than men do.  One thought leads to another and then another and then another.  Men seem to be able to take an undesirable thought and lock it in a room until they are ready to deal with it.  In my quiet time this past week, one of the devotionals spoke distinctly to me. July 9, 2014 – Jesus Calling” “Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice.  I speak softly to you, in the depths of your being.  Your mind shuttles back and forth, hither and yon, weaving webs of anxious confusion.  As My thoughts rise up within you, they become entangled in those sticky webs of worry.  Thus...

Rick and I discovered a show this weekend called “Marriage Test”.  Five couples shared a home, for a few days, with the guidance of two marriage counselors. Some of them came off as headstrong and unchangeable until the facilitating couple starting asking questions about their parents.  The coolest, hardest ones seemed to break the most when discussing mom or dad issues. I’ve always known that we are deeply affected by negative circumstances from the past, especially when initiated by our parents.  This part of the show made me realize, though, just how profoundly that pain can scar us. The one couple was on the verge of divorce; their marriage was a mess.  He had been cheating with various women and showed no interest in his wife.  She had little self-esteem and felt out of control of her life.  She turned to food for comfort.  When asked to describe their mothers, individually, they both ended up in tears when recalling traumatic experiences...

Mark Gungor is a pastor of a church in Wisconsin and also has a ministry called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage.”  He’s like a standup comedian.  We’ve shown his video series at our church numerous times, and they are excellent.  Mark talks about the difference between men’s brains and women’s brains.  Men’s brains are separated into different compartments that don’t touch.  They can separate thoughts, worries, to-do lists, and so forth in their own little boxes, close the doors and not think about them.  Their favorite and largest box is called “the Nothing Box”.  They go there to think of … nothing. Women, on the other hand, have strands that connect every aspect of their brains to each other.  Our minds go constantly.  One thought reminds us of another which reminds us of yet another.  On top of that, we analyze every detail.  As usual, there are always exceptions to these rules.  Not everyone falls convenientl...

Whether our thoughts are from the devil or from our flesh, we need to decide not to dwell on negative thoughts. We need to choose not to take action on those thoughts. We must realize our thoughts are NOT just a part of our character we can’t control. We DO have power over our thoughts! How do we take our thoughts captive? First, we recognize that we are human. We are born with a sinful nature and need to crucify that nature and rid ourselves of fleshly thoughts, daily. We are not alone in these struggles. The Bible includes endless stories about wonderful people of God who continually battled the desires of their flesh. Then, we need to make a conscious effort to stop those negative thoughts. Immediately halt the thoughts by turning your mind to something productive. Start reading your Bible and/or begin to pray. Ask God to help you take those thoughts captive. Sing praise music! (That is the biggest deterrent to the devil!) When battling with the devil, we need to speak out...

Our thoughts are a controlling power in our lives.  They can solve problems, create beautiful art, and drive us crazy.    As quoted previously in  Luke 6:45, " Out of the overflow of your heart the mouth speaks. "  Your thoughts act as a filter between what is in your heart and what comes out of your mouth.  The overflow of your heart runs through your mind before exiting your mouth. Your thoughts are the driving force behind the words you say and the actions you take.  “Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” (Author unknown) Everything begins in your mind. That is why the Bible tells us to ‘take your thoughts captive.’  II Corinthians. 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weap...

So you would like to find some hope for your marriage, even when you see no possible solutions.  Hang in there – there is always hope. Do you know that our thoughts are the beginning of our destiny, the birth or death of our hope?  That’s where it all starts. “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”   - Author unknown The bible tells us to “ take your thoughts captive. ”  Contrary to what the world would have us think, we can have control of our thoughts.  Divorce all starts in someone’s mind, in their thinking.  It’s what you do with those thoughts that determine what will happen to your marriage.  If you take the negative thoughts and refuse to act on them, refuse to allow them to dominate your thinking, you can change the destructive path your marriage mi...

Ephesians 4:27 says, “ Do not give the devil a foothold. ”  According to my Microsoft dictionary, foothold means - "Firm base for progress: a secure starting position from which further advances can be made". Pride and selfishness are huge footholds we give to the devil to enter our lives and try to destroy our relationships.  Any sin in our life quickly opens up the door to allow the devil to enter.  We have to take responsibility for sin in our life, not always blaming it on the devil.  He will magnify our thoughts about problems, though, and fill our minds with enough garbage to help us make the choice to sin. The word ‘devil’ comes from the Greek work, diabolos .  Dia means to penetrate, and ballo means to throw. The devil constantly attempts to penetrate our thinking by throwing his evil ideas at us. The devil is not a scary monster that lives under our beds or an evil figure that slithers through the night. His greatest success has been to convince...

Not taking your thoughts captive leads to the risk of not controlling your tongue. We all know how dangerous that can be. One careless word, not thought about first, can turn a conversation into a heated argument that can build a chasm between a couple. If not handled correctly, you can build enough chasms in your relationship to take you on the path that leads to divorce. Every problem we face in life, every issue we struggle with in marriage, first becomes a problem or an issue because of the thoughts we think and the words we speak. For instance, finances are the number one problem couples face these days. Do the actual finances cause the problems or the way they are discussed? We all come into marriage with preconceived ideas of how to spend money. Those ideas often conflict with the ideas our spouse brings. That is why it is important to discuss finances rationally, with positive words. When we dwell on the negative, our words become negative and our lives become negative. H...

Our thoughts are the center of our being. They ultimately determine the path we will take in our lives. They determine our success in work, family, and relationships. They can also affect our emotional and physical health. Taking our thoughts captive is a difficult process we must learn in order to live our lives obedient to Christ. We only need to read the newspaper, the Internet, or turn on the television to see the effect of wrong thinking. Sometimes, wrong thinking may seem right to us. For example, maybe your family taught you to speak your mind, or they may have taught you to hold everything inside. Either way could be so engraved into your thinking that you believe it is right. It isn’t until you face a crisis that you realize there may be a better way. We humans tend to resist making change until we reach a critical pain level caused by the behavior in need of change. As my husband always says, sometimes we need to be hit over the head with a two-by-four in ...

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day! As usual, I ate too much, but enjoyed spending time with my son and his soon-to-be bride (and Rick, of course.) My daughter is visiting her friends in Australia for a month, so we missed her presence today. I’m excited to be adding a new daughter to my family though! What a joy she is! I am very thankful for an amazing daughter-in-law! This is my favorite time of year so I will continue to bask in the glow of the holiday spirit.  I've learned a long time ago to not get caught in the hustle and bustle of buying too many gifts, spending too much money.  My goal is to keep focused on why we celebrate it; for the birth of our glorious Savior. On with my post. It always amazes me how we read verses in the Bible over and over, and then one day, they jump out at us as though we’ve never seen them before. These verses from Paul in 2 Corinthians chapter 10 are doing that to me. I’m convinced they are the absolute key for success...

Whether our thoughts are from the devil or from our flesh, we need to decide not to dwell on negative thoughts. We need to choose not to take action on those thoughts. We must realize our thoughts are NOT just a part of our character we can’t control. We DO have power over our thoughts! How do we take our thoughts captive? First, we recognize that we are human. We are born with a sinful nature and need to crucify that nature, and rid ourselves of fleshly thoughts, daily. We are not alone in these struggles. The Bible includes endless stories about wonderful people of God who continually battled the desires of their flesh. Then, we need to make a conscious effort to stop those negative thoughts. Immediately halt the thoughts by turning your mind to something productive. Start reading your Bible and begin to pray. Ask God to help you take those thoughts captive. Sing praise music! (That is the biggest deterrent to the devil!) When battling with the devil, we need to s...

The overflow of your heart runs through your mind before exiting your mouth. Your thoughts are the driving force behind the words you say and the actions you take. “Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habit. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” (author unknown) Everything begins in our mind. That is why the Bible tells us to ‘take our thoughts captive.’ II Corinthians. 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” What we think will eventually become what we are. When we don’t think before we speak, harmful words flow freely, e...

The “P” in GPS stands for “Praise" while you remain "Positive."  Only speak praises to your spouse. Aaahh, I can sense the snarls as some of you read this. “ But you don’t know MY husband or MY wife!” No, I don’t, but I do know that none of us is perfect and NO one is easy to live with. Joining man and woman in holy matrimony shows God’s sense of humor (in my opinion). I always thought it would be easier for the women to live in one house and the men to live right next door. Couples could share plentiful conjugal visits while avoiding the dangers of living together under the same roof. However, God didn’t ask for MY opinion now, did He? He also didn’t promise us it would be easy. He joined man and woman because He knew, together, they would need His help. God has a plan and knows what is best for us. He saw that man and woman would complement each other and form a perfect union ordained by Him. That’s what we need to focus on. We need to continually look at the good in ...