Showing posts from August, 2011

Hope Begins in the Mind

So you would like to find some hope for your marriage, even when you see no possible solutions.  Hang in there – there is always hope. Do you know that our thoughts are the beginning of our destiny, the birth or death of our hope?  That’s where it all starts. “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”   - Author unknown The bible tells us to “ take your thoughts captive. ”  Contrary to what the world would have us think, we can have control of our thoughts.  Divorce all starts in someone’s mind, in their thinking.  It’s what you do with those thoughts that determine what will happen to your marriage.  If you take the negative thoughts and refuse to act on them, refuse to allow them to dominate your thinking, you can change the destructive path your marriage might be heading. Philippians 4:8 sa

The Truth About Sex

For the past couple weeks, I’ve politely written about selflessness and sex.  I’ve quoted Bible verses to show you what the word of God says about it, and I’ve carefully suggested some ideas for a more pleasant sex life – which leads to a joyful marriage. (I’m mostly speaking to the women here, but men also need to be aware  of it.) I think it’s time to get right to the point, no dilly-dallying around, no more beating around the bush.  Ladies, stop refusing to have sex with your husband.  Okay, so maybe you’re not verbally rejecting him, but just avoiding his advances and ignoring the signs that he wants it will cause him to awkwardly retreat in defeat.  You are still sending a strong message to him that you don’t want to have sex with him.  That can be devastating to a man. Granted, there are times you have a headache or feel absolutely exhausted, sweaty, depressed, __________ (you fill in the blank).  You have two choices here.  You can either, (a.) continue to ignore your h

Selfless Sex

I promised you information on a book I recently read about sex in marriage.  We all know the tension and issues that can come between a husband and wife when it comes to sex.  It can get very complicated. It doesn’t have to!  This book, Forty Beads by Carolyn Evans , will give you an innovative idea for dealing with this delicate situation. About Forty Beads : With her hilarious, tell-it-like-it-is, girlfriend-to-girlfriend tone, author Carolyn Evans offers a fresh, honest look at sex inside the modern marriage and fills her readers in on how to use The Forty Beads method, a method she developed quite by accident that creates lasting positive change in a marriage.    (Warning: This is a secular book with some worldly ideas and language – the method is great, though, for everyone!) I am always amazed at the affect that sexual problems can have on a relationship.  Sex is certainly a barometer to measure the health of a marriage.  The w

God's Ideas About Sex

One of the most difficult areas for couples to compromise with “self” seems to be in their sexual relationship.   Maybe not in the beginning during the newlywed stage, but after real life settles in and you start adding children, sex takes a back seat to other pressing duties, at least for most women. We as humans have a distorted idea of what sex is.   Chalk that up to Hollywood and our worldly views of sex.   Sex has become a sport to many non-married people, not much different than a round of golf with a buddy.   No wonder couples have great difficulties with it once they marry. God had a very different idea for sex.   He created it as a bond between man and woman, never to be broken and meant only for marriage.   He intended for a couple to join as one “til death us do part.”   So deep and crucial for a healthy marriage, God also exhorts us to not deprive each other of that sexual intimacy. I Corinthians 7:3-5, " The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, a

Say "NO!" to Self

It is no wonder that marriages are failing at an alarming rate in our society.  We are so caught up in our own “selves” that our spouse’s needs and happiness come second to that.  Alarmingly, this is also the case for many so-called “Christians” in the church.  Why else would the divorce rate of Christians be no different than that of the secular world?  In order for a marriage to be healthy and successful, you cannot put your needs above those of your spouse -- unless they cater to your every whim and are satisfied to play second fiddle in a dysfunctional relationship.  That relationship will not last long. Husbands are the ones, according to the Bible, expected to take the lead in this area.  Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."   Jesus died for the church.  Our sacrifices greatly pale in comparison. Why is it so difficult to put the needs of our spouse ahead of our own?  First of all, we a