Showing posts from September, 2012

Stop the Cycle - More on Communicating

Okay.  I think I’ve established the fact that communication efforts between men and women are complicated.  Unfortunately, we aren’t told that we need to learn a foreign language when we enter into matrimony. Yes, we women speak very different English from our spouses.  Half the battle, like most anything, is the realization of the problem.  Once you grasp the differences and no longer allow them to drive you crazy, you can easily learn to communicate with your spouse. Your focus should be on your spouse’s needs, not your own.  Allowing yourself to become annoyed at their words that conflict with your desires (unless they criticize you personally) is a selfish act. Putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own is just a polite way of saying, “Stop being so selfish.”  Selfishness will always cause severe friction in a marriage and usually leads a couple to divorce.  I’ve seen some people tolerate a selfish spouse for many years, but it takes a toll on a relationship.  The

Why Do Women Not Say What They Mean? Part 2

From the book “Twelve Lies Women Tell Their Husbands” by Tim and Sheila Riter "Hey man, you're late.  Anything wrong?" Sweat dripped off Alex after fifteen minutes on the treadmill. "Dude, you wouldn't believe it. But then, you're married, so maybe you will." Don stepped onto the adjoining treadmill and started running. "I got home from work today and grabbed my gym clothes  like I do every Tuesday. Shontell seemed distant, like she'd had another bad day at work. Her boss has been putting a lot of pressure on her to finish that condominium project, and I'm kinda concerned. The baby's due date is still four months away, but I just don't want her to feel any unnecessary stress. "So I go up to her, give her a hug, and ask if anything's wrong.' No, I'm fine, just fine.' So I told her she could talk to me; I'm her husband. Know what I heard? 'Go. Just go. You're late for your workout with Al

Why Do Women Not Say What They Mean?

Woman’s English Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No We need = I want It’s your decision = the correct decision should be obvious We need to talk = I need to complain Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron Man’s English  I’m hungry = I’m hungry I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy I’m tired = I’m tired What’s wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question I’m bored = Do you want to have sex? I love you = Let’s have sex now! Let’s talk = I’ll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy and then we can have sex. For those of you who have been following me since the beginning, you’ve seen this before.  I believe it is well worth a repeat!  Numerous times, maybe – to remind us just how different our language is from that of the male species.  At first glance, Woman's English and Man's English seems a bit exaggerated.  There is actually

Needs and Communication

When we learn to put our spouse’s needs ahead of our own, we will discover the beginnings of healthy communication in a marriage. You may wonder what putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own has to do with healthy communication.  Believe it or not, a lot. Think back to the last argument you had with your spouse.  What did you disagree about?  Why did you disagree?  Usually, arguments and fights occur because two people have two very different ideas.  They both “stick to their guns” and don’t want to change their opinion and resist compromise. Refusing to cooperate and negotiate is nothing more than hanging on to your selfish desires. James 4:2 tells us, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.” When you stand firm on your beliefs that don’t gel with those of your spouse, you are bou