GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I am so grateful for my godly husband who epitomizes the qualities in Ephesians 5:25.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”   I am greatly blessed to have a partner who treats me like this.  It wasn’t always that way, though. We went through our “marital fire” and stayed together only by the grace of God.  He saved our marriage and transformed it into the biblical marriage that He desires for us.  Of course, we are still human and have our moments, but those rare moments are greatly overshadowed by an amazing relationship that keeps God in the center.  I don’t know how marriages survive without God in this day and age. So what if your spouse is not at the same place you are spiritually, or maybe they are not a believer at all? 1 Peter 3:1-4 tells  wives what to do in that situation.  “Wives, in the same way (the previous verses talked about submission to authority) be submissive to...

I want to share something Rick and I have learned, after all these years, that breaks the cycle of arguing for us:  If I’m having a bad day or may be hormonally challenged, Rick will listen to me rant, but he holds his tongue and says nothing.  He also tries not to smile at my silliness.  I usually wind down and see the stupidity in my ranting then apologize if I need to.  Rick doesn’t take it to heart, and I never have the chance to get offended by something Rick might have blurted out in retaliation that could lead to a fight.  An argument is eliminated, and I’m convicted of the foolishness of my words.  I do the same thing when he’s had a rough day.  We don’t allow a fight to begin.   If we have a response to the other’s irrational behavior, and if it is important enough to say, it can wait until the next day when the other person is feeling rational.  We don’t allow the devil to infiltrate our marriage oasis by instigating an unneces...

I have been discussing, what I consider to be, the three stages of our spiritual and marital walk.  Many couples remain in the second stage of marriage, lacking the self-control necessary for a pure relationship with their spouse.  There are also many spirit-filled, church-going, bible speaking Christians who will never reach this third stage of their walk with God. Matthew 7:21,22 tells us, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and i n your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’  Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you.    Away from me, you evildoers!’” “I never knew you.”  Those are powerful words Jesus speaks in Matthew.  We as Christians easily fall into the trap of performing works in the church and in our lives, sometimes only to sho...

The third stage brings us to a place of purity.   We’ve figured it out.   Our only goal is to do God’s will in our lives and in our marriage.   Every move we make goes through God first.   Not everyone makes it to this stage.   It involves a complete surrender of self.   There will always be a struggle in fighting our self, but at this stage, you know how to battle against it and rarely face it anymore.   (Self is the biggest factor that will keep you from a pure relationship with God and with your spouse.   I still see it control many church-going, faith-filled Christians.) At this stage, you understand what marriage is all about.    You’ve become one spiritually.  You’ve taken on parts of the good qualities your spouse exemplifies and you’ve joined in the middle, completing the two halves God put together.   For example:   when Rick and I first married we did a personality test, and he tested off the charts...

There are two options for married couples: fight through the storms of marriage and stay together or give up and divorce.  In our society, 50% of marriages end in divorce (60% in Florida).  Half of the couples quit during the storm or in the midst of the fire.  They can’t take the heat.   While going through the storms of marriage is very difficult (I certainly felt like quitting), it’s worth it all to persevere and work out the problems.  This is the best time to “figure it out”.  If you don’t, you’ll carry the same garbage on to any future relationships, only magnifying the heat of the storms to come.  You may think another woman’s husband looks more attentive, more helpful, more loving, but I promise you, there would be another set of issues you’d have to deal with if you were married to him.  You will experience storms in every marriage. Men and women are so very different from each other.  It wasn’t meant to be easy for us to li...

Half of the married couples in our country will not make it through the Survival Stage. (Check out the two previous articles on Spirituality and Marriage.)    They can’t take the fire.   Precious metals have to go through fire to be perfected.    So do our relationships with God and with our spouse. What does it take to get through the fire?   Commitment - conviction - p erseverance to continue no matter what.   When I hear newlyweds say they’ll just divorce if things don’t work out, I know things are not going to work out for them. Every relationship will go through the fire, and everyone makes their own choice whether to continue or not, regardless of the circumstances.   If you and your spouse refuse to allow the word “divorce” in your vocabulary and thoughts, you will never have to face it.   It all starts in your thinking.   Just don’t go there – divorce cannot be an option.   Make the choice to commit your life to God...

Marriages suffer these days because many couples want to give up when the honeymoon feelings begin to wane, not understanding the hard work needed to keep those initial flames burning.  These couples never delve into the depths of real love.  They run at the first sign of trouble.  A healthy marriage endures on a love so much more profound than what we see in the movies or experience in the early stages of a relationship.  So it goes with our spiritual relationship with God.  Time passes and reality sets in.  We begin to mature in the word and learn that there comes a time where God has to let us venture out on our own.  We have to act on our faith and not expect Him to do it all for us.  He’ll always be right with us, but He won’t always allow us to feel His presence.  As in our early stages of love with our spouse, we become quickly discouraged when we don’t “feel” that initial, all-consuming love. Our spirituality and marriage r...

Before I move on to the second level of spirituality and marriage, I want to share some thoughts from Gary Thomas, author of “Sacred Marriage – What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than happy?”  They fit right in with what I’m talking about.  (Excellent book – I highly recommend it!) When asked “why should I get married?” Gary responds as follows: “If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there’s no question – stay single.  Marriage takes a lot of time.  But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine anything better to do than to get married.  Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise.” God meant for marriage to be much more than a joining of two so they could live happily-ever-after.  That may be what gets us to the honeymoon stage, but if you desire to venture no further, then you are not living a married life the way God intended for you.  Your marriage will not ...

I have often talked about the comparison between our relationship with our spouse and our relationship with God.   It seems to me that both relationships are built in similar ways.   We go through three levels to achieve the joy and richness that God desires for us with Him and in our marriage.    Today, I’d like to discuss the first level. Level one is the honeymoon stage.   In our marriage relationship, we all know the thrill of falling in love, planning a wedding, and starting a life together.   An euphoric high usually accompanies this stage, and we often fail to see the reality of living with another person because of the joy and excitement that encompass us in this early stage of love. I personally believe that God allows this crazy, “can’t be without you” kind of love so we will take the step to marry.   This fairy-tale, live happily-ever-after, want you by my side notion is what initiates the idea of marriage to most people. Som...

“Becoming one flesh” goes deeper than most of us can comprehend.  Unfortunately, many do not ever recognize its true strength until they experience divorce.  Even then, most are quick to blame everything on their soon-to-be ex-spouse, not realizing the bond their union created and the near impossibility of breaking it. Becoming one flesh (marrying) unites a couple spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally.  In a society that fights for individual independence, we ignore the ramifications of this union.  When nurtured and fed, this union will carry a marriage relationship to its highest heights.  At the other extreme is a couple divorcing; they will experience their lowest lows. Couples that willingly meld together to become one find a peace and harmony that is difficult to achieve outside of marriage or as a single person.  This peace and harmony is the staple that provides the wonderful benefits of marriage. In I Peter the third chapter, Pete...