I remember very clearly, as a young adult, struggling with the dilemma of should I make decisions according to my heart or to my head. I always questioned what would be the best advice to follow - from my emotions or my head knowledge. I wasn’t following God at that point, but I possessed a strong sense of right and wrong. I knew that God would have a plan for me if I chose to accept it, but I ignored Him at that time. Looking back, I realized He never ignored me. He was there all along skillfully guiding me without my awareness of His hand on my life.
As a young adult working full-time in an insurance company, I dreamed of touring around the country performing music. I hated the confinement of an eight-to-five job that I despised doing. After the divorce of my parents and leaving college with only one year under my belt, I didn’t have a great deal of confidence in myself. The desire to play music, though, overpowered any doubts I had about my abilities.
At the time, I dated a young man who didn’t particularly care for my dreams of entertaining. He was very jealous, and I knew our relationship would be challenged if I chose this career path. My heart told me to stay at the insurance company and build a life with my boyfriend. My head told me to pursue my dreams.
I fretted for weeks over this issue. What should I do? Of course I talked to everyone about it with varying advice from all. I may have cried out to God for some help but don’t know that I listened long enough for His answer. I believe He led me to the right decision in spite of my careless prayers. He had a plan for me and diligently sought to lead me even when I had no desire for his guidance. Thank God for His perseverance!
I wound up joining an all-female show band mainly because of my jealous boyfriend. I thought he could handle the idea of me working and traveling with women. Watching men gaze at me as I performed on stage, though, was more than he could bear, and that relationship ended soon after I began traveling with the group.
As it turned out, I traveled around Korea with this group where I met my husband, Rick. And so the story began, and eventually, a ministry that we are both passionate about.
The other major point of my life where I faced the crossroads of “follow your heart or your head”, was when I contemplated divorcing Rick. He received an assignment to go to Germany, and I had no desire to join him. I had considered leaving him for another man.
All the while that I struggled with what I felt like doing and what I thought I should do, I heard a still small voice telling me, “I won’t be happy if you divorce your husband.” I knew it was God, and I couldn’t understand why He wouldn’t leave me alone. I hadn’t given him the time of day since I was a child.
How grateful I am to Him, now, for never giving up on me and never leaving me even when I lived a life detestable to His standards. Through it I learned the importance of not acting on emotions or feelings that would probably change. And change they did!
We don’t always have control of our emotions, especially as women. We must realize that emotions are fleeting, and a good night’s rest and some quality time with God can easily change our perspective on what seems to be an insurmountable problem. Most importantly, we need to ask God to guide us before we make any life altering decisions. Let Him be your guide, not your emotions.