Mark Gungor (Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage) talks about the difference in keeping score between men and women. Just for getting out of bed in the morning to go to work, a man may believe he earns 100 brownie points. Giving his wife a dozen roses should easily earn him 500 points and hold him over for a few months without any other attempts to make points. (So he thinks.) Points equal doing your job as a husband. The more points accumulated account for a happier wife – and more sex.
From a woman’s perspective, though, a dozen roses will earn him one point as would a single rose or even a new car. Men can make their wives the happiest by taking the time to figure out exactly what makes her feel the most intimate towards him. (Sorry guys. It’s probably not anything from Frederick’s of Hollywood. That’s your idea of intimacy.) It’s usually the simple acts, not the fancy cars or vacations, that will make us feel the closest to our man.
Since numbered lists of “to dos” seem very popular these days, I’ve come up with “10 Things Men Can Do to Make Their Wives Happy.” Look at them and discuss them with your spouse.
1. Speak positively to her. Only say words that will edify her and build her up. Compliment her often. Never, never, speak obscenities to her or call her names. That will cause scar tissue that remains for a long, long time. (She will stop saying nasty things to you, too, once you master this.)
2. Help with the kids without her asking you to help. Raising children is exhausting whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work full-time outside of the house. Even though the majority of women have jobs these days, they still do most of the work around the house and with the kids. Nothing made me feel closer to my husband than having him help me in the mundane chores of dinner, baths and bedtime.
3. Help around the house without her asking you to help. Pick up after yourself. Offer to fold the laundry. Folding laundry does not require a lot of brain cell usage so you should be able to do it while still watching football. If not, wait until the commercials. With all the commercials, you could probably empty the dishwasher, too.
4. Entertain the kids for an hour or so and give her some time alone. Kids need time with their fathers. They thrive on it and so will you. You don’t have to do anything mind shattering. Tell them a story or help them with their homework. Play a game or go outside and catch a ball. There is nothing more important that you could be doing with your children than spending quality time with them. They will cherish every undivided moment you give them.
5. Spend time alone with her. She will cherish every undivided moment you give to her (and give you mega brownie points!). Spend 15 – 30 minutes a day just talking to her. Make sure neither of you have cell phones, Ipads, laptops or anything else that plugs into a wall to distract you. The electronic age is ruining relationships. Don’t allow it to ruin yours. Even better, take her out on a date once a week.
6. Give her a pleasurable sex life. A large percentage of women do not have a fulfilling sex life (they don’t have orgasms.) If your sex life is one-sided most of the time, figure out what you need to do to change it. Don’t be afraid to talk about it to each other. Doing so will only make you feel intimately closer to each other (even MORE brownie points – which equals MORE sex!).
7. Send her flirty little text messages throughout the day. Every time you think of her during the day, send her a text message to let her know. “I love you” will warm the cockles of her heart in the middle of a crazy, harried day.
8. Find out what makes her feel the most intimate with you and do that all the time. We all have certain intimacy needs that bring us closer to our spouse when they are met. Many women just want undivided attention and conversation. Again, helping around the house and with the kids can be an enormous intimacy builder. Whenever my husband would do the dishes I would tell him that was much sexier than having him bring me roses or turning on Barry White music. Find out what makes her feel intimate towards you. (Women usually don’t desire sex until they feel intimate towards their partner.)
9. Tell her you love her every day – and show it. Actions still speak louder than words. If you are saying those words without putting them to action, the message will be lost. Prove it to her. Hold her in your arms and kiss her without expecting to jump in the sack.
10. Pray with her every day. Prayer between a husband and wife can be very powerful! It is a deep form of intimacy. Make it a habit. Keep God in the center of your marriage. The couple that prays together stays together! (On an Oprah Winfrey show a number of years ago, there was a study done that showed couples that pray together have a better sex life.)
It seems only fair that I also come up with a list for women to earn brownie points. As I thought about it, though, I realized that we really don’t need to do a whole lot to earn them. Men are pretty simple to deal with as long as we give them these three things - the remote, food, and sex.
I Peter 3:8, “All of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”