GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I’ve said it before and have heard it many times – men are simple, women are complicated.   Some men call us downright crazy.   While our thought patterns and communication may seem complex, it’s not a difficult task to make a woman feel loved.   Many men get overwhelmed by the multifaceted thinking of women and don’t realize how easily they can counteract that with a gentle word or action.   That, gentlemen, is an important fact you need to be aware of.   The simplest effort will go a long way – for both male and female. The problem is that we forget to show our spouse love.  We take it for granted that they know we love them.  Love is more than just a feeling; it’s a verb.  You need to act on it every day - actions really do speak louder than words.  You could say the words “I love you” three times a day yet never give your spouse time or attention, and I guarantee you, your marriage will not survive. I look at how challenging re...

Last week I shared “Love Styles” that we learn from childhood experiences, as written in the article “Patterns from the Past”.  This week I’m continuing with more of the article from the section entitled “A Secure Connection.” A Secure Connection – “Being stuck in a hurtful core pattern for the first 15 years of our marriage was painful.  But, by identifying our love styles, Milan and I were able to address the root of our problems with compassion for one another.  We discovered that growth also brings challenges.  It requires vulnerability to admit our brokenness.  We had to break the destructive childhood patterns of relating that we both brought into our marriage. Our goal was to create the “secure connection” we missed out on as kids.  Being a secure connector means becoming more like Jesus, who gave and received love in healthy ways—honestly addressing problems with patience and grace, repairing ruptures when they occurred.  Couples wit...

We all go into marriage carrying “baggage” from our past.  Our abilities (and disabilities) for love and relationships come from lessons we learned from our parents, good and bad.  I recently read an excellent article from Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family magazine called “Patterns from the Past”, written by Kay and Milan Yerkovich.  If you want to read the entire article, go to www.thrivingfamily.com .  On the top left screen that scrolls through various articles, click on “How childhood experiences impact marriage relationships.” I want to share with you the “love styles” from this article that the authors determined we learn from our childhood. These love styles may open up your eyes to what may be hindering you and your spouse from the healthy marriage you desire.  You may find you operate in more than one category.   The Avoider:   People with this love style often come from performance-based homes that encourage indep...

I spent 25 of my almost 31 years of marriage following my husband around the world with the Air Force.  We moved every two to three years and some times after only one year because of the various schools Rick attended.   Many times we changed houses in the middle of an assignment.   We currently live in our 18 th home and have  been in this house for almost five years now.   No wonder I feel restless. I’ve recently discovered a pattern in my life from all these moves.  When we lived in a place that I wasn’t particularly crazy about, or a house I didn’t like, or I didn’t have the close friends I desired, I would fold up those feelings and put them in a suitcase and shut it tight.  I knew we would be moving in a year or two.  I could put up with anything for that amount of time.  Maybe we would move to a better house, a better place, or closer to my family.   I realize that I carried these bags with me everywhere we went, ...

Where do you begin to break the bondage of your past? On your knees is the best place to start. Ask God for His help. Ask Him to reveal the areas you need to deal with, and ask Him what you need to do to overcome it. Hand it all over to Him. If we include God in our journey to discard the baggage, the human steps will come much easier. Remember, He will reveal things to you that may seem overwhelming. He will not give you any more than you can handle though. Take one step at a time. You need to face the objects of your bondage. Open the door, talk about it. God is an amazing listener. Sometimes, just verbalizing a problem is half of the solution. Discussing it with your spouse will form an intimate bond between the two of you if they’re willing to listen and you’re willing to open up to them. Understand that the devil wants nothing more than to keep you enslaved. He doesn’t like successful Christians or successful marriages. He wants us to believe that his lies are the truth. Tho...