Showing posts from May, 2013

Vicious Cycles - Intimacy and Sex

The most challenging vicious cycle we often fall into at some point during marriage, is that caused by intimacy and sex.  I know I’ve discussed intimacy and sex numerous times before, but it is always worth repeating.  They say that sex is the barometer that measures the health of a marriage. We need to keep intimacy healthy in our relationships.
Generally speaking, women and men differ in their ideas of intimacy. Women’s strongest desire is for emotional intimacy while men desire physical intimacy.  Most women feel the closest to their spouse through conversation and undivided attention.  They don’t desire sex until their emotional intimacy levels are met.  Men, on the other hand, don’t feel emotional intimacy until after the physical act of sex. That’s when they feel closest to their spouse. They won’t think about emotional intimacy until their sex needs have been met.
So here we see a conflict that quickly develops into a vicious cycle if not properly handled.  When a woman does not…

Vicious Cycles - Communication

Through our many years in marriage ministry, Rick and I have narrowed down four areas that we believe are detrimental to a successful marriage relationship – communication, love and respect, intimacy and sex, and priorities.   We have also discovered a pattern of vicious cycles in each of these areas that we all fall into at one point or another.  The secret to a joyful marriage is to never fall into those cycles or learn how to break them.
I want to start with the vicious cycle of communication.  Communication is the key to all we do. For example: lack of money is certainly an issue in a marriage, but the way we communicate the issue with our spouse is what makes it a big problem. 
We go into marriage communicating the way our parents taught us to, good or bad.  I come from a family where we didn’t talk about issues; we buried them in the sand.  My father’s word was the only word, so I held everything in and never expressed my true feelings.  Rick, on the other hand, came from a funct…


Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there.  I believe that motherhood is the most difficult and demanding job, and does not get the credit it so richly deserves.  It can also be the most rewarding. Because of the challenges and ignorance we face when thrown into this job called motherhood, it can very often overwhelm us, affecting our confidence and causing us to doubt our abilities.  It can raise our self-esteem one day, yet cut it to the core the next.
We women have mastered the art of covering our insecurities, especially at first impressions.  Once you get past this initial stage, there’s usually a guarded heart that has been hurt too often.   We all tend to doubt our abilities based on failures from the past.  Most women I know don’t feel as though they are good enough. 
We all know that we are more than worthy to God, yet we sometimes struggle to believe it in our human walk. Maybe we grew up with a father who wasn’t there or a mother who was critical.  Our parents can deeply…

No Biting!

Men are at such a disadvantage when it comes to communicating with women.  The male species is basically pretty simple, thinking one thought at a time.  They have to close the open box in their brain that holds whatever thought they are thinking before they can open up another.  Don’t ever ask them to do something when they are in the middle of a chore.  Wait until they finish. 
Women, on the other hand, have hundreds of thoughts running through their heads at any given moment.  I read a quote on Facebook that said something like, “If you want to know how a woman thinks, just open up 2,468 tabs on your computer – at once.”  So true!  We are almost impossible to figure out.
The poor guys don’t have a chance when we analyze every move, every gesture, and every tone in their voice.  We, as women, often assume we know our spouse’s thoughts because of one little eye roll or shrug, or maybe by his poor timing in walking in a room.  Their actions don't always correlate with their thought.