Most men and women differ in their need for having someone listen to them. Men usually do not discuss issues unless they want help in solving them. They'll compartmentalize the problem in their mind until it's time for a solution. They verbalize to find an immediate fix.
For women, talking about a problem is part of their method to find a solution. They aren't looking for someone to help fix it, but someone who'll listen as they sort out the issues verbally. Women will talk and talk about a problem until they talk it through. They can often think of nothing else until they figure it out.
No wonder men and women find it difficult to listen to each other. Men want to fix the issue the women wants to talk about, while she is only looking for someone to listen to her. She becomes frustrated as he offers her advice that she doesn't want to hear. If she needs advice, she'll ask for it.
Men, on the other hand, may become frustrated when their spouse offers no immediate solutions, but only offers a listening ear.
We often assume our spouse's needs are the same as ours. For a successful relationship, we need to carefully learn the needs of our spouse and focus on fulfilling those needs, even when it comes to something as simple as listening.
Another important need for women is conversation. Conversation should include genuine listening in order to fulfill that need for a women. Listening to your wife is a crucial part of conversation for her.
While most men do not care to engage in ordinary conversation with their wife, it is a valuable means of intimacy for the women and should not be overlooked. (Sincere listening and conversation will earn a husband mega-points...which leads to mega-sex!)
Listening is the most important skill in communication. Without real listening, the lines of communication are weakened.
Here are some important keys to efficient listening:
- Listen more, talk less, listen intently and keep your mouth shut.
- Real listening is absorbing what is being said, NOT thinking about what you are going to say.
- Real listening is trying to understand what the person who is speaking really means.
- Real listening is not being distracted by activity around you or thoughts about the even of the day.
- People desire more to have someone listen to them than to have someone to talk with.
- One of the greatest compliments to give someone is to listen with your eyes. It tells them you are with them.
The hazards of NOT listening:- Not listening brings out disagreement and misunderstanding.
- Disagreement and misunderstanding intensifies self-seeking, which leads to separateness in a couple.
- Conflict and self-seeking can cool the passion and ecstasy of physical contact - an absolute necessity for a successful marriage.
- Many marriages break up because they have simply stopped talking to each other- maybe no one is listening.
- We sometimes hear what we want to according to our own beliefs, opinions and needs which may distort the message of the speaker.