Intimacy and Sex

I'm back!! After a trip that made Chevy Chase's vacation movies look mild, I'm glad to be in the serenity of my home. As a little more time passes between me and this experience, I'm sure I will be able to write a humorous story about our adventures. Not ready for that yet!

To give you just a taste, I take Rick to an orthopedist tomorrow morning to get a cast on his broken ankle. That happened on our way to Pennsylvania, after we spent two nights in Georgia where our RV broke down. We did have a fabulous time with our children and our family in Pennsylvania. I wasn't ready for all that to come to an end.

My apologies for not being able to post any new articles. I had no access to the Internet except for my son's IPhone and I couldn't open the article I had written and saved in my email. (I had no brain cells left to rewrite it by this point.)

I will now be venturing into an area that is very important for the health of a marriage relationship, Intimacy and Sex. Please feel free to post any comments or ask any questions! This seems to be an area that many people, especially women, would like to know more about.


Webster describes intimacy as: close in personal relations; familiar, closely allied. Personal, private. Pertaining to the inmost part or essential nature. A close friend.

What is intimacy in your marriage to you?

There are three kinds of intimacy; emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy and physical intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is sharing emotional details such as feelings, facts, opinions, dreams, and fears. It is important to be able to speak openly with your spouse, and have no secrets or fear of condemnation. Conversation is vital to build and maintain this important element of intimacy, especially for women.

Spiritual intimacy happens when two people share the love of God and have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Praying and studying God’s word together, and discussing spiritual issues and faith are powerful tools for strengthening a marriage.

Physical intimacy is a very important part of a healthy marriage. Spiritual and emotional intimacy alone are not enough. God gave men and women powerful sex drives and intended for us to fulfill each other. Sexual intimacy is an absolute necessity.

All this intimacy talk sounds so copacetic, but here comes the disconnect. Emotional intimacy is the first thing a wife can’t do without, while physical intimacy (sex) is the first thing a man can’t do without.

Emotional intimacy is the cement for women in their marriage relationship. Women are driven by their emotions. Everything they say and do is connected to how they feel about it.

Women need to know they are loved, taken care of, and provided for. They need to know they are important to their husband. They want to know he thinks they are doing a good job and that he is proud of them. They need for their husband to find them attractive.

Affection and emotional intimacy go hand in hand. Women thrive on displays of affection, like bringing them candy or flowers, writing them notes, and physical contact such as holding hands, kissing, touching, and hugging. They may quickly become inhibited though if the physical aspects are perceived in a sexual way.

While these displays of affection are wonderful, I believe a woman’s emotional intimacy is peaked when her husband willingly offers a hand around the house or with the children. Seeing my husband clean a toilet is true foreplay to me. Nothing touched me more when our children were young than watching Rick play with them, or read them a book, or take the time to answer their questions. That…is romance to a woman, just the emotional intimacy she needs to desire physical intimacy.

The need for affection without sex is a deep emotional need for most women. Without it, their sexual experience is incomplete. In order to have a fulfilling sexual encounter, women first need to establish a close level of emotional intimacy. This need has to be stoked constantly and maintained daily for most women to even think of wanting sex.


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