Men have different intimacy needs than women. They desire physical intimacy (sex) above all else. It is a true physical need for them with spiritual and emotional intimacy paling in comparison.
Men are physically driven, turning to sex when they have a need for loving closeness. The least bit of affection is sexual foreplay to most men. Only after the sex will they desire emotional intimacy.
God certainly had a sense of humor when he gave men and women such different sex drives. (He knew we would have to ask for directions.) Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule - the tables may be turned in some relationships.
In any healthy relationship, you can’t have sex without affection or vice versa. Affection is a large part of emotional intimacy for women. How do we solve the problem of women needing emotional intimacy before sex while men desire sex before they can be emotionally intimate?
Addressing this valuable piece of information is crucial in dealing with the issue. It is necessary to change the old habits that aren’t working by actively applying what you learn here. This will require giving up your SELFISH desires.
Men need to make a sincere effort to learn new levels of affection. For a mutually satisfying love life with your wife, you need to concentrate on the affection/intimacy side. Make affection a non-sexual way of dealing with your wife every day. Don’t expect your wife to want some action just because a kiss got your wheels turning. Learn to kiss her often, when you say hello or goodbye. Learn to hug a lot with no expectations of sex.
Men are like microwaves while women are like crock pots. Men heat up at the drop of a hat (or blouse) while women need to be slow roasted, gradually warmed up.
Affection is the atmosphere of a marriage while sex is an event. Without the atmosphere, many women find sex to be manufactured and unnatural. They may agree to the performance but receive no pleasure for themselves. This often results in seeds of resentment forming every time she feels coerced into having sex.
That’s why many women have a bad attitude towards sex. If you aren’t partaking in the pleasure of the event, why would you want to play?
The statistics for women not having orgasms during sex is alarming. A lot of men are selfish lovers, not thinking of the pleasure their wives should be receiving. However, many women also have hang-ups about sex causing an inability to experience the fun side of it. Unfortunately, many couples would never dare to share their concerns with each other about their sex life.
Here are a some percentages from an American Sex Survey taken by ABC News a few years ago: The question was, “How often do you have orgasms during sex?”
Always - 74%
Usually - 23%
Less often - 3%
Always - 30%
Usually - 45%
Less often - 24%
It is no wonder sex is not important to many women.