We all have special needs in our lives that bring us joy and contentment and cause us to feel loved when they are met. These needs vary between individuals and are sometimes dependent on what we may be lacking in our lives. Unmet needs from our childhood can carry into adulthood.
We enter into marriage assuming our spouse’s needs are the same as ours. So, we shower them with love and attention in those areas. Usually, their needs are quite different from ours, and so their top needs go unmet because we are unaware of them.
Below is a Needs Survey from the book “His Needs, Her Needs,” by William F. Harley Jr. It will help you determine what your needs are and what your spouses needs are. It will also help you become better acquainted with your spouse and equip you to properly fulfill their needs.
The ten basic emotional needs are listed below. You can add other emotional needs that you feel are essential to your marital happiness. In the space provided before each need, write a number from 1 to 5 that ranks the need’s importance to your happiness. Write a 1 before the most important need, a 2 before the next most important, and so on until you have ranked your five most important needs.
To help you rank these needs, imagine that you will have only one need met in your marriage. Which would make you the happiest, knowing that all the others would go unmet? That need should be #1. If only two needs will be met, what would your second selection be? Which five needs, when met, would make you the happiest?
_______ Sexual Fulfillment
_______ Recreational Companionship
_______ Attractiveness of Spouse
_______ Honesty and Openness
_______ Domestic Support
_______ Family Commitment
_______ Financial Support
Have your spouse take this survey too and look at them, together, to see how well you know each other. Be certain to take note of your spouses top needs so you can fulfill them!