My dear blogger friends. It seems I have made a terrible mistake and I ask those of you involved for forgiveness (IF you are still tuned in.) While working on my blog (making some changes - may take a while with my vague computer knowledge), I discovered a few comments that I completely missed. They all deserve responses, which I will attempt to reply to in this posting. Again, my deepest apologies.
* The first one I want to address is about a young women who had a baby at 16 and married at 17, and after some infidelity on both sides, has no desire to continue her marriage.
It sounds like your marriage started on a very rocky road. Your husband’s background only adds to the struggles. I highly suggest counseling for the both of you, alone, and as a couple. Email me if you can’t find anyone or can’t afford it. I would love to talk with you over the phone or see you if you live in the area.
It’s difficult starting a marriage at such a young age, especially with a baby. God joined you together for a reason, though. We usually have to work through many issues in our marriage relationships. With your husband’s history, it may take some deeper work. Since your family is still in tact, this might be a good chance to lean on them for their help. How did they make it all these years?
Whenever there are children involved in a marriage, I will always recommend staying in the marriage unless there is abuse. Divorce is DEVASTATING to children. I think my biggest reason for desiring to minister to married couples is the children. As a child of divorce, I still experience pain and sadness. My parents divorced 35 years ago, and my father passed away 20 years ago, yet it still affects me.
As for desiring to save your marriage, God can resurrect that passion in you. I too went through a similar experience. My husband didn’t cheat on me, but I cheated on him. I had no desire to stay with him. Thinking about what it would do to my children, though, kept me from making any moves towards divorce. God intervened, showed me how to love my husband again, and has blessed us amazingly since. God can heal your husband’s past and He can heal your marriage. Please find someone to help you through this.
* The second comment was about a woman not being able to express herself to her husband for fear of making him mad.
A difficult lesson I had to learn in my marriage was expressing my feelings and desires. I grew up in a family where you held it in; my father made all the decisions. I still struggle with that at times, but have learned how crucial it is to be able to talk to your spouse about everything.
The troubles in my marriage began with me not expressing my desires. My husband did not realize anything was wrong until the lid blew off the pot. I had buried so much inside and couldn’t hold it anymore. Now, I’ve learned to discuss issues as they arise. That makes for a much healthier marriage and a healthier you!
Sit down with your husband and discuss this with him, when you are both in a rational, calm mood. Things you may want to say to him probably won’t affect him as deeply as you might think. Write them down so you don’t forget what you want to say.
Are you afraid to talk to him because of past reactions from him, or does this way of communicating come from your childhood? Either way, these are issues to look at and try to understand. Seek help if needed. Bringing your thoughts out in the open is a way to conquer them. In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe enough to express yourself.
* The third comment is from a woman who asks if the Bible says anything about supporting your parents financially.
Read 1Timothy 5: 4-8. Verse 8 says, “Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one may be open to blame. (Speaking about taking care of widows.) If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
These verses say, “Provide for his relatives". There are numerous aspects of providing and it doesn’t necessarily mean supporting financially. I personally believe it’s a matter of the heart and a matter of what you are able to share. Whatever you do out of the goodness of your heart will glorify God. If performed out of a sense of obligation, though, you’re not blessing anyone and not pleasing God.
If anyone has anything to add, please leave a comment. I promise I’ll check them!