I am always saddened by the lack of love I see in couples we counsel. There is often so much animosity and dislike that I wonder if we can ever help them. Unfortunately, the majority of married couples will experience those feelings at some point in their marriage. How do we get to that point?
Communication is the big factor that will make or break a marriage. Of course, ideally, I’d like to say that God should be the big factor in every marriage (which He should). I’ve seen too many “Christian” couples, though, who seem to have a strong foundation in God, but lack the communication skills required to keep their marriage healthy and Godly.
Many Christians mistakenly believe that all they need is God in the center of their marriage- that should take care of everything else. It doesn't work that way. We still need to take the human footsteps necessary for a healthy marriage. God will guide us in those footsteps, leading us to a more joyful relationship.
It’s not the problems we face but how we communicate about that problem that causes issues between couples. When not dealt with or communicated properly, we build up a wall between our spouse that prevents intimacy from flowing freely between a couple.
Intimacy is the glue that will hold it together. We all have different ideas of what is intimacy with our spouse. While most men view sex as intimacy, many women view quality time spent together talking as their intimacy builder. We cannot allow the intimacy to wane in our marriages. Without it, a relationship will shrivel up and die.
What is intimacy to you? Often times, couples are not aware what their spouse deems as intimate to them. Ask your spouse so you know how to fulfill their intimacy needs in your marriage. Share this little survey with your spouse and you may be surprised to find out the boost to your relationship when you reflect on these things.
- What is intimacy to you?
- What about your spouse made you fall in love with them?
-List three incidents from before you were married or early in your marriage that stick out as an intimate, romantic memory.