Rick and I watched Sinbad recently, a great, clean comedian, who spent an hour and a half talking about marriage. He answered the never-ending question men hear from women, “How come you don’t romance me?”
“You’ve got to tell me what it is!” was his reply.
What is romance? Men and women certainly have different ideas of what it means.
The dictionary goes into great detail describing the feelings of romance, such as love affair, physical love, spirit of adventure, fascination of something (all broken down in definition). I found nothing, though, that describes how to attain it.
No wonder men get confused. When we watch romantic movies, it’s all about candlelight dinners, soft music, roses, a passionate night of lovemaking with oils and long baths. That’s what happens BEFORE marriage (according to our worldly ways). AFTER marriage, the rules usually change.
The secret is finding out what makes your spouse feel romantic. (I’m mainly talking to men here. For most of them, it just takes a glance at or a thought about their wives naked body.)
Romance is more about what women need to get in the mood for sex. (Sometimes the tables are turned, but it’s usually the woman who needs ‘warming up’. Remember, men are like microwave ovens, and women are like crock-pots.)
To me, intimacy is romance. And what is intimacy to me? Attention from my husband - no television, only talking. Intimacy is praying together, discussing important matters that we share, and doing things together. Presents, flowers, and candlelight dinners do nothing for me. I just want to know that I’m important enough for him to put all the distractions aside for a brief period.
Now I must tell you ladies, I’ve been married for almost 30 years and I’m STILL trying to get this point home. Unfortunately, men have the greatest distraction that blinds them to our needs- testosterone. That’s why it is important to never allow that beast to get out of control. Keep it at bay by having frequent sex with your husband so you never have to face this selfish monster that can’t see past your breasts.
I’m amazed how I can spend a Saturday morning cleaning around the house while Rick is watching television or at the computer. If it’s been awhile since-you know-we’ve had a roll in the hay, all I have to do is bend over near him to pick something up while he looks down my top.
“Ooh honey. It looks like you want to get lucky!” he’ll playfully respond.
He hasn’t said two words to me all morning, yet this should put me “in the mood.”
Yes, it’s wonderful when your husband figures out how to “slow roast” your desire but don’t always count on it. Sometimes you just have to do what you gotta do (yes, it is biblical), and hopefully enjoy it in the process! (Many times, I start out not in the mood, but end up wondering why we don’t do this every day.) Figure out what romance is to you and let your husband know. You may have to tell him a few times - and again - and again.