Philippians 2:14,15 says, “Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation.”
Sometimes, when I hear couples speak derogatory words to each other, I want to throw cold water on them to get their attention. Countless couples get caught in an endless cycle of insulting each other in a word game they intend to win no matter the cost. That seems to be their only means of communicating. Sadly, many of them wind up in divorce - a devastating price they pay for not learning to control their tongue.
Rick watched a movie in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep called “Diary of an Angry Black Man.” It was about this man who worked very hard, coming home exhausted, to a wife that did nothing but complain and put him down. He was tired of it. This wife would get together with her friends, and they would do nothing but badmouth their husbands, only reinforcing the negative attitudes these women felt towards their spouses.
We, as humans, often feel as though we deserve to lash out when life isn’t going our way. It feels good. It eases the pain in a twisted way. I remember times, in the past, when I would passionately rage over an issue my husband disagreed with, and I knew I was getting angry and not handling it the way I should. Even so, I wanted to continue. That righteous indignation gives you power. You want to hold on to it. Be careful; it comes from the devil.
When it boils down to it, arguing is caused by selfishness. (My belief to be the number one reason for everything that goes wrong!) You argue because you want something that the other person doesn’t.
If we work at putting our spouse’s needs ahead of our own, there would be no need for arguing. Yes, you can have a healthy discussion to come to an agreement about an issue, but it’s selfishness that turns the discussion into an argument. In selfishness, you don’t want to compromise and come to an agreement. But, if you are more concerned about the needs of your spouse, you are eager to negotiate for their benefit.
Once you apply these rules of selfishness (putting your spouses needs ahead of your own), you will see a dramatic change in your relationship. Eventually, your spouse will begin to reciprocate once their needs are met.