Every Thanksgiving, after stuffing myself beyond sensibility, I lean away from the table and say, “Why don’t we have this more often?” I love all the dishes that go with our traditional feast and always question why I don’t make this incredible meal more than once a year. I just forget about it. The desire for it never seems to cross my mind.
It’s kind of like sex. I rarely think about it. It never seems to cross my mind - until after the fact. Then, I’m completely overwhelmed by the pure pleasure and puzzled how I could so easily forget about this blissful sport. I’ll say to my husband, “Why don’t we have this more often?” It stays on my mind… for the next few days.
Men and women are wired differently for sex. It’s almost always on a man’s mind until that moment of ecstasy. Then there is relief for a few days (maybe a few hours for the younger ones) and they don’t think about it – for a few days or hours.
Most women, on the other hand, need to be romantically primed for this delightful experience. Once they are, though, the joy is fresh in their thoughts - for a few days, but slowly subsides and then they have to be reminded again. So you see, their is a brief window of a few days where most women think about it - unfortunately they coincide with the few days men don't think about it.
I’ve heard it phrased that women are like crockpots and men are like microwaves. You have to warm up a woman – slow roast her along the way. That’s where the man has to learn what it takes to slow roast his woman – what it takes to make her want to have sex. This may require a bit of work and many men don’t want to take the time to figure out the key. Many marital conflicts arise because of the great difference in sex drives between men and women.
Men are so much like microwaves. Their thoughts turn to sex frequently throughout the day. In a young buck, they may think about sex once every few minutes. Most men only have to envision their wife naked or feel a breeze run through their hair, and they are ready to go.
As usual, there are exceptions to this crock pot and microwave rule. Sometimes the woman may desire to have sex more often than the man. (I have yet to meet a couple that share the same sex drive.) It is difficult to discuss this problem with others, though. Most women won’t understand it, and other men may resent a man with a wife who always wants to have sex. This man will get no empathy from his male friends.
Why in the world did God make us this way? I believe He did it so we would have to work at our relationships and have to concentrate on keeping each other’s needs ahead of our own.
I Corinthians 7:3-5 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
I would also like to add, that if you aren’t “going to the Promised Land” when having sex with your husband, seek help. Talk to a counselor or find a book that you can read together. Discuss it with your husband no matter how difficult you may think it is. It will take you to a higher level of intimacy (which leads to great sex) as you figure it out together. God intended for sex to be enjoyable for married couples. Try reading the Song of Solomon. (Song of Songs)