We as humans have a distorted idea of what sex is. Chalk that up to Hollywood and our worldly views of sex. Sex has become a sport to many non-married people, not much different than a round of golf with a buddy. No wonder couples have great difficulties with it once they marry.
God had a very different idea for sex. He created it as a bond between man and woman, never to be broken and meant only for marriage. He intended for a couple to join as one “til death us do part.” So deep and crucial for a healthy marriage, God also exhorts us to not deprive each other of that sexual intimacy.
I Corinthians 7:3-5, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
God did not allow anything half true or unnecessary in the Bible. He did not intend it to be a book of rules to obey. God wants more from us. He wants us to be holy and to follow His plan for our life which draws us intimately closer to Him. The Bible is God’s perfect way to seamlessly follow His will.
Our human self gets in the way and complicates things, especially when it comes to sex in marriage. Sex was not meant to be a lust fest between two people or a casual sport. It was intended to unite a couple as one, not just physically, but spiritually, as long as they both would live.
When the Pharisees ask Jesus, in Matthew 19:5&6, if it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife, Jesus replies, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
We face serious difficulties in our relationships when we don’t honor God’s intentions for marriage and that includes our sex life.
It’s hard to find a balanced sex life where you’re happy with it and he’s happy with it. Most couples struggle because men and women have such different sex drives.
Think about how you feel when you’d like to have a conversation with your husband and he’s too busy with the television or computer and won’t give you the time of day. It hurts – you feel rejection. He is putting his needs ahead of yours.That is how your husband feels when you say “no” to him for sex. You are putting your needs ahead of his. We allow our feelings and emotions to get in the way, and pretty soon, you and your husband build a thick wall between you that you don’t know how to break down, and you destroy what intimacy you previously had.
Stay tuned next week as I talk about a very interesting book that discusses this issue AND gives you a wonderful idea for getting beyond the nastiness that comes between couples and sex. ;)