Monday, August 15, 2011

Selfless Sex

I promised you information on a book I recently read about sex in marriage.  We all know the tension and issues that can come between a husband and wife when it comes to sex.  It can get very complicated. It doesn’t have to!  This book, Forty Beads by Carolyn Evans, will give you an innovative idea for dealing with this delicate situation.

About Forty Beads:
With her hilarious, tell-it-like-it-is, girlfriend-to-girlfriend tone, author Carolyn Evans offers a fresh, honest look at sex inside the modern marriage and fills her readers in on how to use The Forty Beads method, a method she developed quite by accident that creates lasting positive change in a marriage.       
 http://www.fortybeads.com/  (Warning: This is a secular book with some worldly ideas and language – the method is great, though, for everyone!)

I am always amazed at the affect that sexual problems can have on a relationship.  Sex is certainly a barometer to measure the health of a marriage.  The worst part is that no one wants to talk about it!  It seems to be a taboo subject – meant to stay behind closed doors.  Of course, we don’t want to share every intimate detail of our sexual lives, either. We need to learn when to seek help, though.  Some practical advice could make a huge difference. (If you choose to heed it.)

I think back to a couple Rick and I counseled several years ago.  Unfortunately, they are now divorced.  They could never get past their own needs.

The wife had a long list of things the husband wouldn’t do, and his complaint was, “She doesn’t want to have sex with me.”

We spent hours and hours and hours discussing how to heal their marriage and encouraging them to each put their spouse’s needs ahead of their own.  The wife would always respond with, “But he doesn’t…” and the husband would say, “She doesn’t want to have sex with me.”

Just like your relationship with God, you have to die to your SELF for a successful marriage.  Yes, it’s hard at first, and you may not see your spouse reciprocate.  Eventually, though, they will notice the changes and start to treat you differently.  Denying your spouse sex will never get you to that point, though.  Continually pushing for sex, too, is a deterrent to a harmonious marriage and most men have to learn to honor their wives different drive for sex without feeling resentful. Once you both start putting each other's needs ahead of your own, every ones needs get met.

I guarantee you, when God sees you make the changes in your marriage that are necessary for a healthy, holy marriage, and you start putting your spouse’s needs above your own, He will intervene and begin to bless your marriage in ways you’ve never imagined.  He’s all for selflessness!

God will give your spouse the desire, too, to put you ahead of their own self.  When you fall into that selfless “give, give” mode, sex becomes a beautiful act of love and intimacy between you and your spouse.  

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