Happy 2012 to all of you! I'm still wondering what happened to 2011! Time does seem to be going faster and faster the older I get. My goal this year is to take one day at a time, focusing on the now and present. Spending too much time looking ahead seems to accelerate the speed of the day. We need to live for the moment and celebrate our now.
March of this year will mark the third anniversary of this blog. In looking back at my early posts, I wrote mostly about the tools that Rick and I use in our ministry to help couples. I want to revisit them and give you newer readers of my blog a chance to look at the core of our beliefs for a successful marriage. I'm always touching on these important tools throughout my postings, but I want to focus on the keys to a successful marriage again. I will spend the next few weeks talking about communication, the main key for a healthy relationship.
While I would consider God to be the absolute foundation to every successful marriage, communication is a definite key to that success. Next to God, it is the most important tool you will need for a healthy marriage.
Without communication, a relationship will certainly fail. Everything we do involves communicating. It's not the finances, or children, or in-laws, it's how we talk about it that makes it a problem.
A number of years ago while writing a paper for a marriage course, I came across this "explanation" of Women's English and Men's English.
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
What’s wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now!
Let’s talk = I’ll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy and then we can have sex.
Although “Women’s English and Men’s English” reads like a humorous email you might receive, it hovers very close to the truth. Women do not always say exactly what is on their mind. Fear of hurting other's feelings and uncertainty of our own feelings seems to hinder many of us from speaking exact truth. Women also have so much going on in their lives and in their minds that they don't always know how to communicate their thoughts and feelings in a neat, compact display of words.
Most men, on the other hand, have a simpler system of thoughts and emotions. They can compartmentalize those thoughts and emotions, so they can focus on one at a time. Hence, their communication methods are usually more precise and to the point, and sometimes, emotionless. Not to mention, without sounding crude or rude, sex often times is their motivation for much of what they do in their marriage relationship.
So you see, "Women's English, Men's English" may be the norm. As usual, there can always be exceptions so don't stress if you don't fall into this category.
We don’t always say what we mean or hear what the other person meant, especially between men and women. In order to experience a successful marriage relationship, couples need to learn to communicate properly. We need to learn each other's language. The ability to talk to your spouse and understand one another acts as the glue that will hold a marriage together.