My Marriage, My Sanctuary


It is wonderful to be at the stage of marriage where you accept that your spouse isn’t perfect, you don’t look to them for your happiness, and you no longer hold them accountable for every word that comes out of their mouth.  I would love to be able to tell you that Rick and I only speak words of wisdom to one another, but that’s not the case, even after 32 years of marriage.  We sometimes mess up, usually because of lack of sleep, illness, stress and crazy hormones.  (Or is it the hormones that make me crazy?  Okay, I admit it.  I’m usually the one that says stupid things.)
Even when Rick and I do mess up, we are quick with understanding.  I don’t respond (most of the time) until I’ve studied the situation and look at what’s going on with Rick that he would say something insensitive to me.  He does the same for me. (He’s had a lot more practice.)  We’ve broken the cycle of arguing that causes the most grief in a marriage relationship.  It wasn’t always like that.
When I met Rick, he was dressed as Superman and my nickname was Wonder Woman.  We were convinced that our relationship was invincible, and we left our wedding reception dressed as these superheroes. We lived our first years of marriage thinking we knew something other couples didn’t.  We would never face problems in our marriage.  We were Superman and Wonder Woman!
Everything was great because I went along with whatever Rick wanted.  That’s how my parent’s relationship was until they divorced when I was 16.  I was not allowed to voice my opinion growing up; my father made all the decisions.  I didn’t know relationships should be any different – until our son came along.
Life changed dramatically for us with a baby, especially for me.  Rick drew away from me and our son because he was at a stressful and demanding job and didn’t know how to cope with a baby.  I began voicing my opinion – in the form of screams and demands.  I wouldn’t share my concerns with Rick until I reached the boiling point, and then it came out as hurtful yelling.  Suddenly, the world according to Superman and Wonder Woman turned upside down.
We went through a few years of major struggles until my father died.  I fell into a deep depression then and no longer wanted to be a wife or mother.  I considered divorce when Rick got an assignment with the Air Force to go to Bitburg, Germany.  I had no intentions of following him to the other side of the world.  I was going to leave him for another man that I worked with and who promised me the world.  (Hmm. I think Satan promised that to Jesus, too.)
Through many trials and heartaches, God began speaking to the both of us.  When we finally started to listen, He miraculously healed our marriage.  (For the complete story, read my book “When Superheroes Fall.”  Contact me and I’ll send you a copy because it is temporarily unavailable online.)
God turned our marriage around and changed our lives.  We drew closer to Him and closer to each other.  We learned how to communicate and share our problems before they became major issues.  God made our marriage better than it had ever been!
Rick and I have learned to seek God, together, when problems seem insurmountable.  We keep God close to us and include Him in all we do.  He has been an amazing addition to our marriage, and we couldn’t do it without Him.  My marriage has become my sanctuary, my refuge. 
I look back at the trials Rick and I faced in our marriage, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  They brought us where we are today. 

Stay tuned – more to come about your marriage as a sanctuary not a battle ground

Thank you for your patience as I try to sort out my posting difficulties.  (The white background - pasted look??)

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