Monday, June 10, 2013

Selfishness Destroys Relationships

Okay, I know I’ve addressed the issue of “self” over and over, but it needs to be done!  Selfishness poisons relationships.  Rick and I see it repeatedly in our counseling, even in “good Christians”.  It’s always the thorn in a relationship that will eventually destroy it; a thorn that only the selfish person can remove. A selfish spouse will exhaust their partner and push them out the door.  Unfortunately, most selfish people are unaware of this malicious flaw.  Please open your eyes to this toxin if you are infected with any part of it!

I find it curious that the word self is flesh spelled backwards plus an “h”.  (The “h” could stand for him or her.)  Every Christian immediately recognizes the dangers of flesh, but most are blind to the problem of self (although they go hand-in-hand).  That is where we struggle the most in our relationship with God and in our relationship with our spouse.

Self wants control, wants everything done its way.  God doesn’t always give us what we want and neither does our spouse.  Your response to not having your way determines your level of selfishness.  With selfishness, you will never have a healthy, successful relationship with God or your spouse.


From "6 Reasons Selfishness Will Destory Your Relationship"

“Selfishness is the root cause of many broken hearts. It is a slow flowing poison that erodes, burns, and sears the bonds of relationships. Strong relationships have a foundation that is based on the ability to grow to love. Selfishness is the direct opposite of love. Love gives, but selfishness takes.

Being selfish involves a lot of “I” and has no room for “we”. Relationships and love are about togetherness; walking together as one. It’s pretty difficult to walk together with someone who has no concern for your presence or pace. Thus, if you enter a relationship with a selfish person (or if you are a selfish person), your relationships will not last.” Quentin McCall



I encourage you to read the article above “6 Reasons Selfishness Will Destroy Your Relationship.”

Galatians 5:19-21 says, “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.  I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Not only is selfishness a travesty against God and your spouse, but according to Galatians, it is also an act of the sinful nature.  Verse 21 says those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  It is not to be taken lightly. 

Philippians 2:3 tells us to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

We are to put others ahead of ourselves, especially our spouses!  Only when both spouses are able to put their spouse’s needs ahead of their own will their marriage reach the level of love and intimacy that God intended for the marriage relationship.


So what do you do if you are married to a selfish person?  Of course I will tell you to first, pray about it, every day.   You may need to address this issue openly and rationally with your spouse when you are both calm and emotionally stable.  Show them the article above and pray that their heart and mind will be opened to the truth.

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