I spent the first week in learning of Megan’s health issue in a state of shock. As the amazing leader he is, Rick shook off his state of shock after the first day and took charge to face the situation ahead of us. He prayed with me, and I felt immediate peace. I have always known the power of prayer, but I hadn’t experienced it quite so instantly as I did through the prayers of my warrior husband.
That second week, though, my mind went in to overload. I tend to analyze everything and what God might be trying to teach me through it. Along with the awareness of struggling to let go of my children came the reality that I also had prioritized my children ahead of my husband. Ouch! It’s not so fun when you ask God to reveal weak areas in your life and He does. It is part of this lesson we call life, though.
Megan’s health began to deteriorate and she lost her appetite, quickly losing weight in the process. We visited her surgeon thinking we would be going for pre-op preparations, only to discover that the surgery would not be scheduled for another month.
Another month? Was she serious? I had to watch my baby girl dwindle away in poor health and do nothing about it? I voiced my concerns about Megan’s loss of appetite, and the surgeon assured me she would be alright for four more weeks. I was very upset and wondered if we had made the right decision to stay in Australia for the surgery.
At the time, we attended a church associated with a Bible College I had been attending. I had been the worship leader there and also sang with a quartet. We were scheduled to practice after church on June 15, the day before Megan’s birthday. I had had a rough morning and stewed over an issue with Rick. I was also mad at God. I didn’t go to church that day because I was an emotional wreck and couldn’t control my tears. Instead of going to church, I went over to the college where the quartet planned to rehearse, to have some quiet time alone.
I sat in the waiting room and found a devotional book lying on a table. I opened it to June 16, Megan’s birthday. The title read, “Relationship Idols”. Oh no. I knew God was about to speak to me.
“The Lord…is a jealous God” – Exodus 34:14
God is jealous of anything that takes His place, especially a ‘relationship idol’. What’s that? That’s the lie that convinces you that your happiness depends on another person. When you look to somebody other than God for security, worth, joy and contentment – all the things He willingly provides – He’s jealous. So, to tear down that idol in your life, He allows you to be alone.
It’s hard to have nobody to share your successes…or to pray with…or to come home to. But when God wants you to hear His voice He silences all the rest. You’re not alone because nobody likes you, you’re alone because God’s jealous for your affections and He’s drawing you to the place of intimacy with Him. He does this when He’s going to do something new in your life.
How do we know? Because Joshua was alone when God gave him the strategy to overcome Jericho. Gideon was alone when he was commissioned to save Israel. “Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak” (Ge.32:24). That’s when God changed his name from Jacob, a con artist – to Israel, a prince with God.
When you don’t know who you are, you’ll allow yourself to be swallowed up in somebody else’s life in order to find fulfillment. You’ll think you need them in order to enjoy being you! No, let God tell you who you are. After all, who knows you better than Him? And the only way you’ll discover that, is by being ‘alone’ with Him!
The tears now poured down my face as I read these words that God clearly spoke to me. I obviously had some work to do while we waited for Megan’s surgery.
To be continued…