Waiting - Some More

Okay, here I am again learning about waiting.  I write about it, talk about it and laugh about it, but obviously God has more to teach me.

As many of you know, my little Stewie (one of my Yorkies) has been in the doggie hospital since last Wednesday with pancreatitis.  I have been preoccupied with his recovery and a bit out of sorts.  He has improved and has finally gone 24 hours without vomiting, but he still has a ways to go.  I’m praying he begins to eat so he can come home soon.  I have felt led to share some of my thoughts about this event and what God is teaching me – as I wait.
First of all, I want to express my utmost respect and admiration to a young lady from our church who went through the most difficult experience any mother could face – losing a child.  I, by no means, would ever begin to compare what I’m going through with that.   This past week, though, has given me a deeper glimpse into maybe one day of what she went through during her son’s short life.  Most of you know baby Isaac’s mom, Stephanie.

Stephanie, you have been on my mind all week.  How did you do it when you heard a negative word from the doctor?  How did you do it when you saw your baby connected to machines and looking like taking each breath was difficult?  How did you do it when you held him in your arms wondering if that would be the last time you saw him alive?  How did you continue for eighteen months?  How did you let him go?  Every time I struggled with news from the doctor I thought of you, and I tried to comprehend how you digested the ups and downs you went through.  And I’m just dealing with a dog.

Stephanie, I believe you are a very special woman of God.  You’ve reached a spiritual level many of us will never attain.  I’m so sorry you had to go through an experience that no one should ever go through.  I know that God has made you into a stronger person for it and has an amazing plan for you because of that experience.  We’ve seen it already blossoming.  I will always look up to you and admire you. 

A great line from one of my favorite movies, “Return To Me” goes something like this: “It’s to those with the most character that God gives the most challenges.”    

I know you would tell us, Stephanie, that God gave you the strength.  God’s strength has carried me through many hardships in my life, but there are moments when my guard is down and the enemy plants a terrible thought in my mind.  That’s the part that is difficult.  It’s hard to fight the fear sometimes when you’re exhausted from little sleep and tired from thinking.  Fear is the opposite of faith.  Unfortunately, we are human, and the fear can sometimes overwhelm us when we lose our focus.  I hate being human.

I must say, though, I have spent a lot of time with God this past week because of those moments of fear.  He is always involved in everything I do, but I spent more time praying and reading my Bible than usual.  I realize that maybe I need to spend more time praying and reading my Bible when all is well.  We certainly seem to find time with God when we desperately need something, don’t we?
It came to me that we are like toddlers.  There is so much to do and play with that we don’t take the time to sit on our mother’s lap unless we are hurt, sick or tired.  Isn’t that when we seek the lap of God to comfort us?

I know I’ve been hard on myself – reprimanding myself for not reading more and not praying longer and also feeling guilty about getting so upset over a dog.  I have spent a lot of time at the vet’s office this past week viewing other dog lovers.  I’ve seen too many dog cremations turned over to the owners and too many dogs euthanized in the past five days.  I’ve seen grown up men welled up with tears when their best friend has been put to rest.  I am not alone in my love of these little creatures.  They may not be as important as our children, but never-the-less, they are important to us.  Our lives are better with them.

I believe that God gave us dogs to teach us about unconditional love.  “Dog” is “God” spelled backwards.  Makes sense, doesn’t it?  I shouldn’t make less of this amazing gift that God gave me in the form of a four legged fur ball.  Okay, so I call them my babies.  They have given me such joy and companionship and they never talk back to me (well, Teddy sometimes does).  All they want to do is sit in my lap and love me.  What more could anyone ask for? 

Maybe that’s what God wants the most from us – to sit in His lap and love Him.  Hmmm.  I learned that from my dogs.  You see how important they are to us?


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