I’ve seen people, with their cruel words, their use of sex as a weapon, and their callous behaviors, unwittingly send their spouse into the arms of another. Affairs are usually the final alarm in a marriage screaming that death is inevitable unless change is made. We don’t usually make changes in our life until we hit a psychological dilemma – another term for a crisis.
Continuing from Proverbs 5 (the adultress with honey dripping from her lips), verses 4-6 say, “But in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave”
Not a lot of good can come from an affair. It will lead to the death of one relationship or the other. Too many people are hurt by its outcome. Often times, people in the midst of an affair can’t see clearly. They know what they are doing is wrong, but for the moment, it’s a secret, intoxicating pleasure that clouds their idea of right. It may be the only ounce of joy they can find at the time. They justify their behavior by focusing on the negative aspects of their spouse that drove them into the arms of another.
I am not saying, by any means, that it is okay to have an affair. I’m just saying that a cheating spouse should not be sent packing because of a prideful, unforgiving attitude of betrayal often assumed by the cheatee. (Hmmm. Is that a word?) The cause of an affair goes much deeper than two people just getting together to have sex (except for adulterer #1 - see previous article, "Adultery").
Now the world would tell you to leave that no good scumbag (the cheater). I can tell you there is no better time to fix your marriage problems than right now. You’ve gotten your spouse’s attention whichever side of the infidelity you are on, and so something has to change. The relationship can no longer go on the way it was. (See first paragraph – we usually don’t make changes until we hit a crisis.) This is a golden opportunity to turn your marriage into what you desire it to be.
Breaking up and moving on to a new relationship adds a whole new set of problems that you could never imagine, and you’ll carry all the baggage from your first marriage with you only to have it multiply into an endless pile of garbage. Second marriages, step-kids and step-families, and unforgiveness will make your issues with your first marriage look like a piece of cake. Facing your problems with your current spouse and dealing with them, though, will lead you to a new and better level of love and marriage. Fix it now!!
I am so grateful to my husband for standing by me when I was the no good scumbag. Many husbands would have walked away. Not Rick. He stepped up and took responsibility for his role that helped to almost destroy our marriage. Sure, I was wrong in seeking intimacy elsewhere instead of trying to revive it in my marriage. At that time, our marriage was miserably failing and with the sudden death of my father, I went over the deep end into desperation. My vulnerable state didn't make it right, though.
I don’t know where my life would be had our marriage not survived that ordeal. I don’t even like to think about it. I do know that because Rick and I committed to our marriage and chose to stick it out, our marriage has become the healthy, solid relationship that God desires for us. He has blessed us immensely for our commitment to each other and to Him.
It takes commitment and an honest look at each other’s responsibility in the breakdown of the relationship in order to see a difficult time through to a better marriage.