More on "The Vision for Your Marriage"
I look back to my pre-marriage thoughts, well, at least what I can remember from so long ago, and realize I had many factors that distorted a healthy vision for my future marriage. My father left my mother for the other woman when I was sixteen. My brother stayed with my father, and they moved to another state. I only saw them once or twice a year after that. Any positive thoughts I had about marriage and family were crushed at this time. In fact, I didn't think I wanted to ever get married.
And then I met Rick. My Superman swept me off my feet and changed my thoughts about marriage, delusional though they may have been. In looking back, I believe I had a huge desire for stability in a family since mine had been shattered. Rick was the most stable, solid man I'd ever met, and he turned my fear of getting married into hope. He was totally different from the men I'd dated in the past, and I believe God led me to Rick despite my lack of interest in His plan for my life.
My idea for marriage was the perfect family, like the kind you see on television or in the movies. I can still envision that camera shot zooming into the Christmas light-trimmed window with snow softly falling. The view inside consists of a loving family - a mother, father, grandparents, children. All are smiling and talking with no conflict or anger in the air. They look at each other adoringly as they sing Christmas carols at the piano or share a meal around the table. That was what I thought marriage should be.
I only knew the dysfunction in marriage, though, learned through my parents, and I carried that corrupted vision into my own marriage. I didn't know how to maintain the fairy-tale dream I longed for. Because my vision for my marriage was not based on anything real or in accordance with the Word of God, I almost destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me - my relationship with my husband.
So what should our vision for marriage be? If it's not the big house in the country, the white picket fence and the 2.5 children, then what is it?
I want to look at a few areas in the Bible that deal with marriage and compare them with some worldly ideas that contradict the word of God. This is where we get disillusioned with how marriage should look and what our vision for it should be. Because we are so inundated with the ways of the world, we need to know the Word of God to help keep our marriages strong and see a true vision for them.
Men and women are very different from each other and have specific roles that God designed for each of us.
First off, in the second chapter of Genesis, the Lord God says, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Right away we see that God intended women to be a helper to their spouse. The world has definite ideas these days about women being a helpmate. I would say the message the world sends is "you take care of your stuff and let him take care of his stuff". This contradicts God's words and our nature as women.
God made women to be nurturers and to take care of our husbands and family. He didn't just command us to "do that"; He made us to WANT to do that. It's how we show our love and respect. It's not a sin or terrible thing to pick up after your husband or make lunch for him even though the world may look down at you. If it is a personal struggle for you to do so, that desire to nurture your husband may be buried among abuse and dysfunction if you come from that environment.
I watch my daughter and daughter-in-law, both independent, self-sufficient, modern women. They both love to wait on their significant other. It comes naturally; it's what they want to do. A worldly attitude can quickly sour that natural desire and turn it into conflict, though.
Have you noticed that regardless of how the world tells us men and women should be "the same", the women usually congregate in the kitchen and the men in front of the television during gatherings and parties?
Stay tuned as I dig even deeper into the roles we play that affect our marriages and vision for our marriages.