GPS to a Joyful Marriage

I’m getting off the path of marriage this week, but I feel compelled to share with you a recent experience that changed my life.   I know some of you out there may be affected the same way. I didn’t grow up in a church that talked about fasting, and so it’s been a new concept for me in the past eight years since first attending a church that practiced it.  I did the Lent thing as a child occasionally, but that usually meant giving up something I wasn’t going to miss anyway.  (I didn’t know the significance of Lent back then.) The church I now attend has been promoting a forty day fast. (Check out their website www.gwocag.net for Pastor Bob’s excellent “Forty Days With the Holy Spirit” daily devotional.)  After some discussion with other members, I jumped on the bandwagon and decided to give it a try.  In the past I’d fast for a day or two but never forty.  “My name is Sandee Lester and I am a sugarholic”.  I knew exactly what I needed to fas...

James 4:1-3 -  “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” These verses in James tell it like it is. If you seem to be caught in a never-ending cycle of fighting with your spouse, you may want to take some time to study these verses. Instead of blaming your spouse for everything, why not look at what is going on in your own heart. Are your problems that you continually struggle with traced to your own personal SELF-ish motives or desires? Do you feel entitled to something that may be unattainable or unreasonable or not part of God's will for your life? Do your desires become demands? Do you self-righteously judge others? Do you struggle to be free ...

God created us with free will, meaning we could make our own decisions and live life according to His way or our own way. Because of the fall of man, we have a bit of rebelliousness in all of us. We constantly struggle with SELF. SELF always wants it's own way, not God's way or a spouse's way. Our selfish and sinful nature interferes with God’s plan for us. When we give into our SELF, we jeopardize relationships and cause disruptions in society. Our society has fallen to an immoral state of ‘no right or wrong’ because the trend has been to think about ones SELF. If it feels good, do it. We no longer are taught to put the needs of others ahead of our SELF. We bring this worldly attitude into our marriage relationship. Conflict starts with the rising of that inner beast called SELF. When SELF feels threatened to not get it’s own way, ridiculed, or offended, it needs to strike in order to justify it's SELF. We are taught in the world to “Defend your SELF! Don’t let th...

Once we gain control of negative thoughts, our next step is controlling what we allow to come out of our mouth.  Ephesians 4:29 tells us   “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Some people find great difficulty in controlling what they say.  I call that not having a filter between your mind and your lips, and every thought, good or bad, slips out of your mouth.  I know I write frequently about controlling the tongue, but let’s face it; it is a HUGE part of a successful marriage.  Like the tiny rudder on a large ship, it controls the direction.  Our tongue controls the direction our marriage will lead us - in divorce court or to happily-ever-after. In our marriage relationship, we should only speak positive words to our spouses and words that edify or lift them up.  In fact, the verse above from Ephesians is n...

Whether our thoughts are from the devil or from our flesh, we need to decide not to dwell on negative thoughts. We need to choose not to take action on those thoughts. We must realize our thoughts are NOT just a part of our character we can’t control. We DO have power over our thoughts! How do we take our thoughts captive? First, we recognize that we are human. We are born with a sinful nature and need to crucify that nature and rid ourselves of fleshly thoughts, daily. We are not alone in these struggles. The Bible includes endless stories about wonderful people of God who continually battled the desires of their flesh. Then, we need to make a conscious effort to stop those negative thoughts. Immediately halt the thoughts by turning your mind to something productive. Start reading your Bible and/or begin to pray. Ask God to help you take those thoughts captive. Sing praise music! (That is the biggest deterrent to the devil!) When battling with the devil, we need to speak out...

Our thoughts are a controlling power in our lives.  They can solve problems, create beautiful art, and drive us crazy.    As quoted previously in  Luke 6:45, " Out of the overflow of your heart the mouth speaks. "  Your thoughts act as a filter between what is in your heart and what comes out of your mouth.  The overflow of your heart runs through your mind before exiting your mouth. Your thoughts are the driving force behind the words you say and the actions you take.  “Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” (Author unknown) Everything begins in your mind. That is why the Bible tells us to ‘take your thoughts captive.’  II Corinthians. 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weap...

Communication is a very intricate part of the marriage relationship, the core of every kind of relationship. Not limited to the words we speak, we express ourselves in our body language, our facial expressions, and our actions. Every facet of a marital relationship involves communication of our feelings and thoughts in one way or another. Communication is the key factor to a successful marriage. When used improperly, a relationship is likely to fail. CONTROLLING THE TONGUE James 3:3-6  “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, s...