GPS to a Joyful Marriage

From my second favorite book, "Jesus Calling": May 25 "THE WORLD IS TOO MUCH WITH YOU, My child.  Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots.  When  you think like that, you leave Me out of your worldview and your mind becomes darkened.  Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom.  I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.   When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter.  Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together.  Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me.  Together we can handle whatever this day brings.  Isaiah 41:10, Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 34:19

My life has been in quite an upheaval for me the past few weeks as my son-in-law and brother are both in the hospital fighting infection in their bodies.  I spent a week in Miami to help my daughter and to be there for the surgery on her husband.  I came home last Monday evening via train, in which my hotspot on my phone refused to work so I didn’t get to my blog last week.  When I picked up my brother on Tuesday for a urology appointment, I was surprised to see how ill he was.  I then took him home to stay with me, after his appointment, as he had become too much for my eighty-three year old mother to handle. (He’s 6’5”, 250 pounds and handicapped – she’s 5’3” and 130 pounds.)  He has been in the hospital since Friday now, after an ambulance ride to the ER, and will be having surgery this week when a blood infection clears up. One thought that has jumped out so clearly to me this past week is that the little stuff just doesn’t matter when you have ...

We live in a crazy time of electronics where many of us spend the entire day in front of a computer screen of some sort.  Although we can now do almost anything at the touch of our IPhone, we are jeopardizing relationships because of the attention we give to those screens.  Hours quickly pass before we know it, and we’ve neglected our spouse and family.  Here are a few suggestions to keep this from happening. 1.  Find a time to rationally discuss the issue.  Don’t do it when you’re mad because your spouse has neglected you for the third night in a row, or when you have had a rough day dealing with the kids or work, or when either of you is tired, hungry or not feeling well. 2.  Agree to set boundaries for computer time and to work on not getting offended when your spouse asks you to turn off the electronics. As for the spouse doing the asking, watch your tone of voice.  You could try putting your hand on their arm and saying, “Honey, when yo...

I am deeply concerned about the effects of electronic devices on this generation.  Although even baby boomers have been sucked into the spell of smartphones, tablets, Ipads and laptops, it’s the  millennials  that seem to have permanently attached themselves to these gadgets - much as they did as babies with their pacifiers.  A temporary separation causes panic and stress.  This epidemic, I’m afraid, is destroying relationships, particularly marriages. It saddens me to go out to dinner and notice all the people engrossed in their phones while missing out on needed conversation with whoever sits across from them.  Isn't that why we go out to dinner?  To have time to talk without interruption?  Conversation is the key to any successful relationship.  Without it, that relationship will die.  Rick and I went to Red Lobster in the middle of the afternoon last week and noticed that nobody was rudely playing with their phone.  Th...

I’m still touched about the story of the silversmith (my last blog post). In hindsight, when you look back at a difficult situation you’ve been through (a fire experience), it all makes sense. You clearly see the goal God intended for you. But going through it - that’s another story! When I think of living in the midst of a “fire“, it occurs to me how difficult it really is to see the hand of God in the situation. Yes, we know He’s watching us, He’s helping us, but it doesn’t always FEEL that way. I know He’s always perfecting us, but sometimes I just don’t FEEL like any more perfection! That’s where we get in trouble. We allow our feelings to be our guide. They often cloud our focus on God. It’s hard not to, especially for us women who are emotionally driven. Those darn emotions tend to get in the way of everything! I sometimes envy my husband. Life seems so simple and uncomplicated to him. He makes a decision and that’s it. Not me. I’m going to think about it and pray about it and ...

Honoring our marriage vows and convictions made to God will ultimately bring blessings from Him.  At some point though, we all experience “the fires of refinement”. Those are the difficult times in marriage. Many precious metals and silvers are refined in fire to remove the bad stuff in order to be made perfect.  Every couple goes through “the fire” or a “make or break” time in their marriage - to get rid of the bad stuff to bring refinement. How you handle the fire determines the future of your marriage. Sadly, in these days of rampant divorce, over half of married couples jump out of the fire without resolving their problems, unwilling to bear the heat. As people who choose divorce quickly discover, the fire only heats up when divorce procedures begin and rarely goes completely out, especially when children are involved, leaving little chance for resolve or resurrection. Withstanding the fire leads to a new understanding and a better relationship with greater love for ...

I believe one reason we find ourselves in silly arguments that escalate into full blown fights is that we don’t voice our expectations with our spouse.   I find that, occasionally, I will come to a conclusion about a situation, in my mind, and neglect to tell my husband, or even other people, what I’ve decided.  I move on assuming everyone knows where I’m coming from.  Of course, my husband should be able to second guess my actions  (ha ha!  That couldn’t be further from the truth!) ; we’ve been married for thirty-three years!   Needless to say, things don’t get completed very efficiently when no one knows what you expect, and a situation like this easily turns into a fertile breeding ground for arguments. Recently, we were in a social situation and nearing the time to leave.  I am such a people person that at a party, I want to talk to everyone.  It seems that Rick thought we were leaving and got upset with me when I wasn’t right behind ...